A Long Journeyfeatured

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in
love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ…” Ephesians 3: 17-18

Many of us have been on one of life’s journeys that was difficult, painful, and lasted way too long.  The Bible has many examples of long, difficult journeys (Abraham and Sarah’s infertility, the Israelites hike to the promised land, David’s difficult and dangerous path to king, Paul’s missionary journeys).  There are great lessons to be learned in studying those examples.  However, I am going to share a more personal journey with you.

My difficult journey was with my twin sister, Karen.  It began about 40 years ago, when she started displaying behaviors that began to undermine almost every aspect of her life.  She was ultimately diagnosed with several mental health diseases, but the primary diagnosis was one for which there is no medication.  This hideous disease wreaked havoc in her relationships, jobs, finances, and physical health.   The disease sloshed over into my life as Karen went from crisis to crisis.  When the phone rang, I never knew what disaster awaited. 

 I prayed for her frequently and fervently for years.  I prayed for her healing.  I wanted her to be healed quickly.  I would like to say that my only motive was that I wanted her to be able experience a rich and full life.  But if I am honest, that prayer was also driven by my desire to not have to deal with the mess in her life that sloshed over into mine. I was praying for my will to be done, not His.

I also took on the burden of “fixing” her.  I had the misguided notion that if I just said the right thing at the right time in the right way, she would miraculously see “the light” and would be “fixed.”  Just like Sarah’s attempt to fix her fertility problems (read Genesis 16), I was impatient with God’s timing for healing Karen. Needless to say, I never “fixed” her because I am not God!  It actually was a form of idolatry to think I was capable of “fixing” her.

Throughout this journey, Christ, through His Holy Spirit, was right beside me to help me but I wasn’t accessing His love, comfort, wisdom and power. Even though I prayed constantly for Karen, I was really trying to walk this long journey on my own.  My trust in God was too feeble and frail for this hard journey.  I had not surrendered my will to His.  I had not surrendered my timing to His timing. I had not surrendered my “fixing” to His healing.  True trust in Him requires all of these surrenders. 

Trying to walk this long journey on my own didn’t give me peace.  Instead I experienced frustration, anger, sleepless nights, worry and fear.  It was only when I surrendered my desires and my timing to His, that I began to experience peace. 

The last few months of her life were very difficult.  She became unable to walk or take care of herself at all.  She needed to be in a facility, but she had no money.  I’d like to say I walked this part of our journey perfectly and was at peace 100% of the time but that would be a lie.  God, however, displayed His love and mercy very tangibly and provided a path for us.  In my moments of fear and worry, He quickly reminded me of His loving presence and I would return to a peace that defies logic.

A couple of scripture verses were especially meaningful to me during this long journey.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9.  I used to struggle with why Karen had this horrible disease.  This verse helps me accept that the why is beyond my understanding at least while I am on this earth.

“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelations 21:4. Karen went home to be with Jesus on April 24, 2016.  I am filled with gratitude in the knowledge that Karen is healed and whole and is now fully what God created her to be.

None of us is likely to get through this life without some kind of long, tough journey.  Know that Christ’s love is longer than any journey we will have.  He will sustain us and guide us, we just have to let go of our own desires and take His hand.  I know this is true; I have experienced it.  May you experience it as well. [jetpack_subscription_form]